


The Trouble With Angels

by juniperhoot



Series: Carisi's Goddamn Legs and Other Bits [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst and Humor, Fluff aplenty, Let it never be said that Rafael hasn't thoroughly overthought things., M/M, New relationship and the attendant ridiculousness, Past Child Abuse, Rafael Barba likes to brood, Smut and feels and cuteness?, Sonny Carisi is a ridiculous man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 06:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20305192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniperhoot/pseuds/juniperhoot
Summary: Rafael wanted to ask if Sonny considered himself off the market. Was that what he wanted? A relationship with Rafael? Being physically attracted to someone was one thing. Whatever else this might be, after everything that had transpired last night, there was no question of an intense carnal attraction. But was this “I’m not single and neither are you” territory? Was spending one night together the stuff of “call your family and alert your friends”? It was too big a question for Rafael to contemplate before he’d even finished his first cup of coffee, but somehow he found himself doing exactly that.





	The Trouble With Angels

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't already read "Carisi's Goddamn Legs," you'll want to start there. This takes place the next day. It is 100% self-indulgent nonsense, and I definitely am not crying in the club over these two babies and how much they belong together. I like to wallow in insecurity, angst, and domesticity. And filth, occasionally.
> 
> Just so you know what you're getting yourself into.

It was early Saturday morning, and a phone was ringing somewhere. It was hard to say where, because it was too early to think straight. Besides, the phone sounded like it was a very long way away. Too far from the bed, where Rafael lay curled up and cozy under the surprisingly heavy arm of Sonny Carisi. 

Maybe it would stop and he could go back to sleep for another hour. 

Saturday morning was typically designated for sleeping in. After all, allowances had to be made for even an average Friday night. But last night hadn’t been an average Friday night by any stretch of the imagination. No, last night was something that almost defied explanation.

_Almost._ Obviously, some of it could be explained, and in very few words: Rafael was, in a very literal sense, _fucking exhausted_. Because of the fucking. _So much fucking._

Not that he regretted any of it. Good god, that pious, churchgoing angel had a voracious sexual appetite, and a seemingly endless supply of erections. It - no, _he_ \- was incredible. 

Still. Rafael was starting to suspect his ability to bounce back from a mostly-sleepless night of sex was not what it once was. A decade ago he could have pulled an all-nighter and still wanted more, or at least not felt like he’d been run over by a truck. Now? He wanted nothing more than to return to an unconscious state for another hour or four.

But that phone was still ringing. And Sonny was inexplicably sound asleep, snoring lightly, oblivious to what must be this relentless caller’s fifth annoying attempt at getting through. Who could be awake and ready to talk on the phone at this time on a Saturday morning? Some demented individual, no doubt. Maybe a telemarketer. Or possibly the IRS. Whoever it was, they meant business, and weren’t giving up. 

Carefully, Rafael slid out from under Sonny’s arm. He wandered out to the living room, listening for the still-ringing phone, until he tracked it down to Sonny’s wadded-up trousers on the floor beside the sofa. He fished it out and scowled at the display: Teresa. Sonny’s sister. Of course. With perhaps a bit more glee than was warranted, he hit “decline.” He pushed what he hoped was the power button and returned to bed, setting the offending device on the bedside table. 

Three seconds. Literally three seconds and it was ringing again. She was a Carisi, through and through.

“Raf…” Sonny pulled the duvet over his head, groaning loudly. “Shut it off.” 

“I tried, but apparently I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Who is it?”

“Your sister Teresa. She won’t take no for an answer.”

“That’s the understatement of the year.” Sonny’s laughter was muffled. He shoved the blankets away from his face and pressed a quick kiss to Rafael’s cheek. “Sorry. I’ll take this out there so you can go back to sleep.”

Sonny headed out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him as he picked up the call, his muted voice trailing off as he walked away. “Teresa, you’re killin’ me here. Back to back calls? Really?”

Rafael chuckled and burrowed more deeply into the blankets, happy to resume his Saturday morning sleep-in. He could hear the indistinct sounds of Sonny laughing and talking animatedly with his sister. Knowing Teresa’s role in providing her brother with the opera tickets and not-so-gentle nudges toward Rafael, he could only assume she was getting a play-by-play description of the previous evening’s events. It was nice that Sonny had someone he could talk to about all this. Nice to know his family -- or at least, his sister -- was supportive. 

Rafael wondered what it would have been like, growing up with siblings. People who knew you from childhood, and could give you shit about all your most cringe-worthy moments. People who picked you up when you wiped out on your bike, or deflected the taunts of the neighborhood’s worst bullies, or stood beside you when your parents were looking at you with disappointment over your failure to “just be normal.” People who encouraged you to act on your ridiculous office crush, and actually spent money to make it happen. 

No wonder Sonny could walk around with his heart on his rolled-up sleeve, so open and trusting. He knew what it was like to have someone in his corner.

And now he was in Rafael’s corner.

Even as the thought presented itself in his mind, Rafael rushed to correct himself. He didn’t want to make any assumptions. He was out of the habit of letting anyone get close, out of the habit of even considering it. 

But he couldn’t deny that something had changed. The longer he’d stared at Sonny, the longer he’d cherished his secret hopes of… whatever this was… the more he’d wanted to let him in. It felt foreign, and maybe a little terrifying, but goddamn, it also felt like Christmas morning. Waking up with Sonny here beside him. Or lying here in bed, listening to him pacing around in Rafael’s living room, talking to his sister, like it was a perfectly normal Saturday morning, and not the day after everything changed.

It had been less than a day. How was that possible? Maybe all those months of fantasies had skewed Rafael’s perception of time. Even as he found himself replaying the last eighteen hours or so, part of him felt as though what happened was the most logical thing in the world. _Of course_ he and Sonny had somehow gone from a seemingly innocent shopping trip to kissing and dinner and _oh my god the sex_, and every magical, amazing thing that had lead to their waking up together on a mundane but entirely transfigured Saturday morning. How else could the day have possibly turned out?

He drifted off to sleep, swaddled in the cozy, muffled music of Sonny’s Staten Island accent.

**********

The clock on the bedside table showed it was a bit past 9:30 when his bedroom door opened again. Sonny entered, looking freshly showered and wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. He sat on the edge of the bed, coffee cup in hand.

“Could I interest you in a bit of caffeine to get your day goin’?”

“What are you, my pusher?” Rafael eased himself up to a seated position, leaning against the headboard. He accepted the mug, cradling it in his hands for a moment to allow its warmth to seep into him. He took a sip and sighed approvingly. “I don’t know how you do it, but it’s perfect.”

Sonny shrugged, his eyes crinkling appealingly at the corners. “One of my many skills.”

“Clearly. So, how’s your sister? Scandalized?” Rafael smirked at the pink tinge creeping up Sonny’s cheeks.

“She’s fine, not scandalized at all. I didn’t get into too much detail with her.”

“You didn’t tell her you spent the night?”

“Oh no, I definitely told her we hooked up. Because when I answered, she was already yelling at me. _‘You were supposed to call me last night! How long does it take to buy a goddamn tux? Did you fuckin’ chicken out again?’_” He laughed, mimicking his sister’s interrogation and shaking his fist. “I had to defend my honor.”

“By telling her we slept together.”

“I told her we talked. And that you kissed me. And, uh, that I’m still at your place. She screamed in my ear for about five minutes straight after that.” Sonny grinned. “Right before I hung up, she said she was gonna call Ma to give her the good news.”

Rafael almost choked on a mouthful of coffee, struggling to gulp it down. “News travels fast in your family.”

“Oh yeah, they were all kind of in cahoots with Teresa. Apparently, I’m ‘too handsome’ to still be single at my age.”

Rafael wanted to ask if Sonny considered himself off the market. Was that what he wanted? A relationship with Rafael? Being physically attracted to someone was one thing. Whatever else this might be, after everything that had transpired last night, there was no question of an intense carnal attraction. But was this _“I’m not single and neither are you”_ territory? Was spending one night together the stuff of _“call your family and alert your friends”_? It was too big a question for Rafael to contemplate before he’d even finished his first cup of coffee, but somehow he found himself doing exactly that.

“So, while you were sleeping, I poked around in your kitchen. It looks like you live on coffee and booze. You ever consider buying groceries?”

“You know the hours I keep. I work all the time, and I’m very seldom home. It’s easier to eat out.”

“Right, right, I get that, but… you don’t have eggs? A loaf of bread in the freezer? An emergency box of Pop Tarts? You know, in case you bring some hot guy home with you and he wakes up fuckin’ ravenous?” 

“You did get quite a workout last night.” 

“No kiddin’. I need sustenance, Rafael.” 

“To be fair, I had no idea last night would turn out the way it did.”

“Ditto.” Sonny ran an appreciative hand over the dark hair on Rafael’s chest. “So, about that… how’re you feeling? About all this, I mean. Me. Us, specifically.”

Rafael stared into his coffee mug before taking a long sip, delaying his response. What could he possibly say to that? _I feel like I’m getting too old to be carrying on like I did last night, and need about two days of sleep to recover? I want you to stay here the rest of the weekend, despite my previous plea for recovery time? I can’t wait to kiss you again, and by the way, how do you feel about hyphenated names?_ What was it about this man that provoked him to such absurd flights of fancy? And why was it so hard to actually say any of this aloud?

“I think we should get some breakfast,” Rafael began, silently cursing himself for taking the easy way out. “Then we can figure out what we want to do with our day.”

“Our day, huh?” A slow smile spread over Sonny’s face. “I like the sound of that.”

“If you want clean clothes, you can probably wear one of my shirts, but I think we can agree you’re too tall for any of my trousers.”

“I dunno, I didn’t seem to have any problems getting into your pants last night.” Sonny leaned in, carefully taking Rafael’s coffee and setting it aside on the table. He brushed his lips over Rafael’s bare neck, then whispered against his ear, “So… you got any preferences for breakfast?”

“I… I’d be open to negotiation,” Rafael stammered, his mind instantly in a Carisi-induced delirium. 

“I think I’m gonna enjoy negotiating with you, counselor.” Sonny brought his hands up to cradle Rafael’s face and kissed him, long and slow. 

It was a lingering, Saturday morning kind of kiss, in no rush to get anywhere and with nothing to prove. It was a kiss for kissing’s sake, an end in and of itself. Rafael believed he would be content to stay right here, doing nothing but this for the rest of the morning. 

As he ran his fingers through Sonny’s still-damp hair, Rafael found himself wondering how it would dry, free of the usual styling products. As much as he liked Sonny’s hair swept up and over in an immaculate wave, he was enjoying seeing it unkempt, and loved the thought of being responsible for its state of disarray. 

“I really like kissing you,” Sonny murmured against Rafael’s lips. “Might be my new favorite thing.”

“I was just going to say the same about you.” He meant to say _to you_. Didn’t he? 

Abruptly, Sonny stopped kissing Rafael and pulled back slightly to look him in the eye. “You mean that?”

Rafael blinked, feeling exposed under Sonny’s expectant gaze. He was usually more guarded than this, but he hadn’t said anything he didn’t mean. And now the words were already out there. He swallowed the impulse to deflect into the safety of teasing. “Yeah. I think you’re pretty great.”

The admission hung in the air, electrifying the space between them. Sonny’s expression was soft, his blue eyes shining at Rafael with unreserved affection. His hand was trembling as he took Rafael’s hand in his own. For once, Rafael noted, Sonny didn’t try to fill the silence with chatter. He kept his gaze fixed on their clasped hands and smiled broadly, bringing his dimples out of hiding. 

_Dear god, he’s gorgeous._

As much as Rafael enjoyed hearing him talk, there was something to be said for the incomparable beauty of Sonny Carisi rendered speechless, his classical features stilled by the apparently earth-shattering potency of Rafael’s simple, heartfelt admission. 

Out in the living room, Sonny’s cell phone rang. They both groaned. 

“I swear to god, if that’s Teresa again…”

“Ignore it. Maybe she’ll take the hint.” Rafael pulled Sonny toward him, determined to blot out the world for the sake of this man’s lips.

“You got a lot to learn about my sister.” 

“Maybe, but at the moment, the only Carisi I want to learn about is in bed with me.” Rafael nuzzled at Sonny’s jawline, intent on reclaiming his undivided attention. If he had to turn off the phone himself just to get a few minutes’ peace, he would. But he’d rather cling to the mostly-naked man draped over him, hoping for a reprieve.

A few seconds later, the phone stopped ringing.

“You were saying…?” With a playful waggle of his eyebrows, Sonny surrendered to Rafael’s demands. His kisses seemed less aimless now, more focused on eliciting a response from Rafael. He worked his way down his lover’s jaw to a particularly sensitive spot just below his ear. Catching the soft flesh of Rafael’s earlobe between his teeth, he caressed it with the tip of his tongue. 

Rafael buried his fingers in Sonny’s hair, spurring him on with soft moans. He wanted to lose track of time, and space, and responsibilities; everything but Sonny, and the amazing way he made Rafael feel. There was something so right about the way they fit together, Sonny with his long limbs and slender build, draped luxuriously over Rafael’s solid frame and soft belly. The towel had long since fallen aside, lost somewhere in the blankets, as Sonny’s growing erection demanded liberation. 

In this moment, there was just this; just their kisses, just their nakedness, their limbs tangled, hips grinding, cocks throbbing between them. Everything was life and lust and beauty, and Rafael had never been happier.

Propping up on one elbow, Sonny wrapped his hand around both of their erections, stroking them together. Rafael’s eyes fluttered closed as he focused on the sensation, and the sound of Sonny’s voice washing over him with every stroke. 

“That’s it… just let me take care of you, okay? I got you…” His hand was still working, jerking up and down, his breath growing ragged as his rhythmic caresses came faster and harder. “I can feel you getting close… ah god, Rafael, I’m close too.” 

How he had anything left in him after last night was beyond Rafael’s comprehension, but his body seemed programmed to respond to Sonny’s coaxing. With a gasp and a string of blasphemies, he came, his ejaculate spilling over Sonny’s hand and still-hard cock. 

Sonny slowed down for a few strokes, savoring the hot slickness as he continued rubbing himself. “It’s so good… and I’m so close, I just…” His voice trailed off into labored breathing. 

“Come here.” Rafael licked his lips and crooked a finger at Sonny. “Let me help.”

Without hesitation, Sonny crawled up the bed, his long thighs straddling Rafael’s torso. He braced his hands against the wall as Rafael gave a few teasing strokes before taking Sonny’s rigid cock in his mouth. The wet heat was incredible, and Rafael was so good with his mouth, his tongue and lips working every inch of his throbbing flesh. It wouldn’t take much to tip him over the edge.

Rafael could taste his salty residue on Sonny, now mingled with the first hints of his lover’s rapidly approaching release. His hands were gripping at Sonny’s hips, his fingertips pressing into his buttocks. 

Sonny tensed up, breathing raggedly as he barely managed a warning, “Oh god, Raf--” His hips bucked a few times, as Rafael quickly swallowed around him, lapping at him until he was fully spent. A little wobbly (and possibly dehydrated), Sonny eased back and flopped down beside Rafael with a satisfied groan. 

Without looking over at him, Sonny reached over and patted Rafael’s belly. It struck Rafael as an oddly endearing gesture of intimacy. He liked it. Smiling, he covered the hand on his belly with one of his own, sinking into a deep state of contentment. 

Gradually, they both became aware that the phone was ringing again in the other room. They looked at each other, neither wanting to get up. Rafael squeezed Sonny’s hand, as if to say, _“You don’t have to go anywhere.”_ And Sonny, with that damnably soft look in his eyes, and the lazy hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth, squeezed back, as though he were answering, _“I know. I want to be here.”_

But the phone kept ringing, and then a text message notification dinged a few times, before the phone resumed its incessant ringing.

“I can’t be one hundred percent sure, but I’m starting to think someone really wants to talk to you.” Rafael rolled onto his side and poked teasingly at Sonny’s ribs.

“You think?” Sonny chuckled. He forced himself to sit up. “Guess I’d better check who that is.”  
Entirely naked, and without even the slightest hint of self-consciousness, he rose from the bed and went to fetch his phone from the other room. He was muttering to himself as he strode back into the bedroom, scrolling through a series of text messages.

Sipping his now-cold coffee, Rafael gazed inquiringly at him. 

“Work. I gotta take this.” With a disappointed huff, Sonny plopped down next to him. He went back to the list of missed calls and tapped the most recent, dialing the number. “Hey, Rollins… hold up, I just saw your messages. No, I was in the shower, I didn’t hear it ringing. What’s up?”

Rafael scowled into his coffee cup, grumpily draining it. He didn’t like to think of himself as a selfish person, but right now, on this of all days, he wanted very much to be allowed to indulge that character flaw without judgment. But Sonny was nodding and listening intently to whatever Rollins was saying, responding occasionally with a quiet “Uh huh” or “Yeah.” He looked like an angel perched there on the bed, naked amongst the rumpled sheets, his eyes glistening and brow furrowed with genuine concern. Whatever ridiculous, romantic notions Rafael had entertained for the day would have to take a back seat to what was presumably a case that required Sonny’s attention. 

Resigned, Rafael pressed a light kiss to the small of Sonny’s back and dragged himself out of bed. He trudged out to the kitchen and refilled his mug. He didn’t feel comfortable hovering while Sonny was on the phone, so he busied himself with bagging up the takeout trash from last night. Tying off the bag, he hauled it to the front door, where he stopped abruptly. 

“Pants.” He set the bag down and went back to the bedroom to get dressed in as _“I’m not eavesdropping, I just can’t take out the trash naked”_ a manner as possible.

“...no, I’ll meet you there. Just text me the address. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Sonny ended the call, frowning. He set the phone on the bedside table and looked over at Rafael, who was just stepping into a pair of boxer briefs. “I’m so sorry to have to do this, but they found some poor kid in a dumpster. Rollins says he’s in rough shape; still alive but won’t talk. They want me there to try--”

“Of course they do. You’re so good with kids.” Rafael smiled weakly. This was to be expected, of course. Sonny’s dedication to his work, his skill at reaching traumatized victims, his passion for not just catching the perps but getting the investigation done right so he could hand off a solid case to the DA’s office… it was all part of what attracted Rafael to him in the first place. And it was going to complicate the hell out of everything between them. There were so many things he still wanted to say to Sonny, things he wanted to talk about, but they’d have to wait until later. He wanted to cross the room to stand beside Sonny, wanted to press a kiss to the top of his head, but felt awkward and unsure of himself suddenly. “Do you have time to stop at your place for a change of clothes first?”

Sonny shook his head, grabbing his underwear off the floor. “Nah. I need to get right over there. Rumpled is the best I can do this morning.”

**********

Sonny had been gone for an hour when Rafael’s phone beeped. Before he could pick up the phone, it beeped again, and once more. Text messages from Sonny.

_[Hey. Working on getting the kid to talk to me. I got one word out of him so far.]_

Below that message was a selfie of Sonny holding up an open box of donuts, captioned _[I have a secret weapon.]_

_[Gonna trade him a donut for his name.]_

Rafael grinned and sent a quick response. _[Ah yes, the universal language of donuts. How can he resist?]_

If this case was as bad as Rafael assumed it could be, he didn’t expect to see Sonny for a few days. He would need to be able to focus on the investigation, and likely wouldn’t be getting much sleep until he’d made some headway. 

It was probably for the best. Despite his inclination to throw caution to the winds and dive headlong into whatever this was, Rafael needed some time to think.

There was an intense physical attraction, and they clearly had sexual chemistry, if last night was any indication. He couldn’t imagine ever tiring of looking at Sonny. From any angle, that face was beautiful, just flawed enough to be real. If anything, the flaws somehow enhanced the perfection of his face. Specifically, the way his goddamn gorgeous nose crashed into Rafael’s whenever they kissed… there was no avoiding the fucking thing. It was substantial as hell, and commanded attention. 

But beyond the pretty face and lithe physique, Sonny was no idiot. On more than one occasion, he’d revealed a surprisingly deep inner life and complex thought processes. He had a sophisticated mind, wrapped up in the slightly gaudy trappings of a Staten Island upbringing. There was something tantalizing in the realization that, even after all the time they’d spent together in recent months, he was just now beginning to glimpse the real Sonny Carisi. There was still so much to explore. And suddenly it seemed as though the universe had presented him with the opportunity to do exactly that. 

He couldn’t deny his interest in Sonny. He was still concerned about the professional implications of their involvement. But surely there was some sort of grace period on that? Some wiggle room in which they could at least explore this newly-admitted interest, and see how it fit in with the rest of their lives, before dragging anyone else into it? As things stood right now, all they’d done was spend one (amazing, mind-blowingly good) night together. All they’d done was… 

_Oh god. Everything._

Fine, maybe Rafael was fighting the urge to shout it from the rooftops. Sonny was everything he’d ever wanted in a partner, if Rafael had ever allowed himself to admit he actually wanted anything. There was something in the way Sonny looked at him, something in his voice, warm and husky with desire, when Sonny woke him up in the middle of the night, breathing against Rafael’s ear, asking if he was awake, asking if it was okay if Sonny touched him… 

They’d only spent one night together, but it was the kind of night that a person wanted again. And again.

Rafael wondered if this was part of the reason he’d resisted broaching the subject for so long. All those months of quietly stealing appreciative glances at him; all the bogus resistance to his input on cases; all the half-assed attempts at deflecting Carisi’s irresistible sincerity with sarcasm. The day he’d met Sonny Carisi was the beginning of the end, and deep down, Rafael had known it all this time.

He wasn’t ready to name it yet. But it was down there. It was whispering to him, not from the dark corners of his mind, but from the bright places suddenly ablaze with the presence of Sonny Carisi.

Ugh, this was an absolute disaster.

**********

Rafael tossed a file aside, tired and tempted to make an early night of it. Or at least to lie down on the couch and watch an old movie or something.

Since Sonny had been called in to work, Rafael had spent the day puttering around the house, reviewing case files and trying not to be an absurdly swoony middle-aged man. He’d been only moderately successful. Liv called earlier in the afternoon, while Noah was napping, and spent an hour catching him up on every cute thing Noah had done in the last week. He estimated he’d said the word “cute” roughly forty times in the course of the conversation. 

After that call, he’d spent ten minutes on the phone with his mother, talking about nothing in particular. She asked if he was sick, or if something was wrong, since he’d called her and not the other way around. As if a man couldn’t call his mother without an agenda. Since he wasn’t in a state of crisis, and she was apparently at a fundraiser of some sort, Rafael cut the call short and resumed working on his case files. They were done now, and in a neat stack to be dumped on Carmen’s desk on Monday.

He hadn’t eaten anything in hours. He considered ordering from a place in the neighborhood, but opted to stare into the open refrigerator instead, waiting for inspiration to strike. He was still standing there when his phone beeped.

_[Would it be too presumptuous of me to come over tonight? Might be there in like… an hour?]_

Rafael glanced at the time. Almost seven-thirty. As if it mattered. It could be midnight and he’d still say yes. He typed a quick response. _[Come over.]_

He hesitated for a moment, then hit the call button before he could change his mind. 

Sonny picked up right away. Rafael could almost hear his dimples over the phone. “Hey there. I’m heading into the subway station, so if I get cut off, that’s why.”

“I’ll be quick, then. I was thinking… did you want to stop at your place on the way? Grab a few things?”

“Heh. That was the presumptuous part of my asking. I’m already on my way to do that. Is that okay?”

“I literally just suggested it. Your having beaten me to the punch doesn’t change a thing.”

Sonny chuckled. “Okay, good. Because… I kinda couldn’t stop thinking about you today.”

Rafael felt his face flush red, and tried not to sound too pleased. “Please tell me you weren’t walking around daydreaming about me while you were on a case.”

“I had some time to kill at the hospital. Long story. I’ll tell you when I get there. Have you eaten? I could pick something up on my way.”

“I’ll take care of dinner. Just get what you need from your place, and come over.”

**********

It was almost precisely an hour later when Rafael buzzed him in, and three minutes past that when Rafael opened the door to a rosy-cheeked Sonny. He had changed out of the suit he’d been wearing for two days, in favor of broken-in jeans and a hoodie under his navy blue peacoat.

Rafael looked him up and down as he came in, smiling at the duffel bag slung over his shoulder. “How long’s shore leave, sailor?”

“Not long enough.” Sonny shrugged off his bag and coat in one fluid movement, dropping them where he stood. He cradled Rafael’s face in his hands, his wondering gaze taking in every detail, from the delighted look in his hazel eyes to the way Rafael’s lips parted slightly in anticipation of his lover’s touch. Sonny leaned in to kiss him then, soft and sweet and achingly tender, his gentleness belying the urgency he’d felt all day every time he’d thought about Rafael. 

They could stay right where they were, with Rafael’s back against the wall, his arms around Sonny, holding him close as the kiss deepened. One minute stretched into the next until time itself seemed to slow almost to a halt, propelled forward only by their kisses. Everything else ceased to matter in this moment; a moment in which Rafael could almost believe he’d been granted a glimpse of eternity. 

“Mm… hey, what is that…,” Sonny murmured half-heartedly, distracted by Rafael’s incredible, kissable lips, the hint of stubble along his jawline, the vaguely elfin shape of his right ear. He nuzzled at Rafael’s neck, inhaling the scent of him, then stopped abruptly, sniffing the air. “I smell something... something’s burning?”

“Oh shit, I forgot to set the timer.” With a groan, Rafael scrambled to the kitchen to rescue dinner. He turned off the burner under a smoking pot that had boiled dry. He grabbed a wooden spoon and poked at the scorched pasta burned to the bottom of the pan. “Goddammit. I’m usually a passable cook.”

“Says the guy who eats out all the time.”

“Yes, well, that usually turns out fine.” Rafael switched on the hood fan to draw the smoke out of the kitchen, and carried the pot to the sink, running some water into it to loosen up the charred mess. 

“You got any backup spaghetti?” Sonny asked as he peeked into a simmering saucepan of marinara. “You didn’t burn the sauce, so this meal can still be salvaged.”

Nodding, Rafael waved in the direction of a cabinet, while he rooted around for a clean pot. “Up there.”

Following the vague hint, Sonny started opening kitchen cabinets, his eyes going wide at the rows of canned goods in one cabinet, boxes of cereal and grains in another. “You went grocery shopping! It’s like an actual human being lives here now.” 

“Before you give me too much credit, I never left the house today. I ordered everything online and had it delivered.” 

“You still got groceries. That’s what counts.” Still looking for the pasta, Sonny pulled open another cabinet and spotted a single box of brown sugar Pop Tarts in the middle of a shelf. There was a note taped to the front of the box which read, _“For emergency use only.”_ Sonny threw his head back, laughing. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you, Rafael.” 

“Never know when some hot guy might spend the night. Wouldn’t want him to waste away.” Smiling crookedly, Rafael set the freshly filled pot of water on the stove and turned the burner back on. He opened the refrigerator door and gestured sweepingly at the fully stocked shelves within. “Behold, the fruits of my labor.”

Still laughing, Sonny wiped his eyes and joined Rafael by the refrigerator. He pulled open a drawer of meat and cheese and grabbed a wedge of imported parmigiano reggiano. “Nice, you got the good stuff. This is the parm my mom buys.”

“She has good taste in cheese and ties. You can quote me on that.” 

“Maybe I will.” Sonny pressed his lips to Rafael’s cheek. He lingered there, kissing him again before forcing himself to back away. “Just a lil smooch for now. Don’t wanna cause another inferno.”

Rafael smirked at Sonny, his gleaming eyes raking over him. It would be so easy to be distracted by this man. He shook his head a little, dismissing the thought. “So, I assume you have to work tomorrow.”

Sonny nodded and shrugged. “Looks like it, yeah. Rollins did a preliminary sweep of the immediate neighborhood, but we talked about going back tomorrow to see if maybe anyone’s remembered anything useful.”

“Did the donut trade work?”

“Sure did. Matthew and I had a nice little visit over donuts and chocolate milk.”

“Any idea what happened to him?”

“Fractured ribs, signs of old spiral fractures, scars from cigarette burns on his back. Plus, you know, thrown out with the trash. This kid’s been through hell. He clammed up about anything that could lead us to his folks. And so far he doesn’t match any missing persons reports.” Sonny lifted the lid on the saucepan and started stirring the marinara. “They’re keeping him at the hospital tonight for observation. After that, we’ll see. Even if we do find his family, I can’t imagine he’ll be going home with them any time soon.”

“Not if they’re the ones who did this to him, no.” 

“We have the alley under surveillance now, just in case someone comes back to retrieve him. I’d be real surprised, but you never know.” With a sigh, Sonny replaced the lid and set the spoon aside. “Look at me killin’ the mood. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not as though I didn’t know what you do for a living.”

“Right, but I’m sure this isn’t how you pictured this evening.”

“I hadn’t pictured myself nearly starting a kitchen fire, but here we are.” Rafael couldn’t actually say he’d envisioned anything in particular for tonight. He was still trying to get used to the idea of them spending time together, in this context. It was all so new, he hadn’t reached the point of allowing himself much in the way of expectations. He just knew he wanted Sonny here, with him. “The case is obviously on your mind. If you want to talk about it, I’m here. If you want a distraction...”

“You’re a pretty great distraction.” Sonny reached for Rafael and wrapped his arms around him, his cheek resting against Rafael’s hair. He drew a few deep breaths, then pulled back slightly, suddenly self-conscious. “Is this okay? Tell me if I’m being too clingy.”

“You’re not. I’m just not used to… this. With anyone.” Even as he said it, Rafael felt strangely foolish. He’d always told himself he was smart for protecting his heart as he did by keeping his dalliances casual. Why did he feel so exposed now? Deliberately, he leaned into Sonny, holding him more tightly. “I might need practice.”

“You seemed to know your way around the bedroom stuff alright.”

“Sex is the easy part.” It wasn’t a boast. Nor was he ashamed, necessarily. He’d always viewed it as pragmatic, avoiding emotional entanglements as he had. It had worked for him until now. But it had left him woefully unprepared for anything beyond that, which he was only just coming to realize. “It’s everything else that throws me for a loop.”

“Hm.” Sonny pressed a kiss to the top of Rafael’s head. After a moment’s consideration, he said quietly, “If it’s any consolation, I’m still… pretty loopy, too. Part of me is afraid that when I finally get some sleep, I’m gonna wake up and find out none of this really happened.”

“And you’ll be lying in bed, recovering from a concussion sustained in a tornado in Kansas?”

“Something like that, yeah.” Sonny chuckled. “It’s dumb, and probably means we really ought to try to sleep tonight.”

“Of course. You had a long day, and you have to work tomorrow.”

“Yeah… plus... I dunno about you, but I think we’ve done it like... at least ten times in the last twenty four hours. My dick is a hundred percent wrecked right now.”

“Oh, dear god,” Rafael wheezed, laughing uncontrollably. When he caught his breath, he patted Sonny’s chest. “I’m so glad you said it. Even the thought of an erection right now makes me hurt. I thought if I said something, you’d think I’m too old.”

“Nah, we both got kinda carried away. Reminds me of when I was a teenager, if you know what I mean. Raging hormones and always ready for another round. Hard not to want it when it’s right there, y’know?”

“I vaguely remember those days, yes.” Rafael glanced over his shoulder at the stove, where the pot of water had come to a boil. With a sheepish grin, he fetched the spaghetti and added a large handful to the water, making a show of setting the timer. “Let’s see if I can redeem myself with this batch.” 

“Hey, I’m not sayin’ anything.” Sonny leaned back against the counter opposite Rafael, his hands loosely gripping the granite slab behind him. “When I was growing up, my ma had these fancy pots that had a layer of aluminum hidden in the bottom. It was supposed to conduct the heat more evenly.”

“Just a second -- is this going to turn into a sales pitch for new cookware?” 

“_Anyway,_” Sonny rolled his eyes. “One day after school, I put some water on to boil, so I could make ramen. I go to the living room to get my homework out of the way. Big mistake. Next thing I know, the pan is boiled dry and the bottom layer of the pan is separating from the rest of it.”

“You’re a terrible cookware salesman.”

Ignoring Rafael’s teasing interjection, Sonny continued undeterred. “I panic and grab the handle so I can run some cold water in the pan, and that fuckin’ thing drips molten aluminum on the floor, which instantly burns through the linoleum and starts a bunch of little fires across the kitchen. So I use the dish sprayer thingy to extinguish everything, and look around and think, that’s it, I’m dead. My parents are definitely gonna kill me. I mean… that pan is sitting in the sink, with the bottom layers all peeled open and a blob of aluminum that’s oozed out and stuck to the sink’s enamel. There are like, five or six burn holes in the flooring.”

“How the hell did you survive to adulthood?” 

“I dunno. I guess because I had older sisters, so by the time I came along, my folks had mellowed out a bit. But man, at the time, I honestly thought they would murder me.”

“And yet here you stand.”

“You know what Ma said to me, when she saw what I’d done to her kitchen? _‘I’ve always hated this vinyl. You can help your father replace it this weekend.’_”

“Wow. My father wouldn’t have handled it well.” It was an understatement on which Rafael wasn’t prepared to elaborate just yet, so he pushed the thought away into a well-controlled space in his mind. That wasn’t how he wanted to spend this evening. Amusing childhood anecdotes, yes. Miserable tales of his father’s violent temper and bottomless well of disapproval, no. Not tonight. “How about yours?”

“Dad laughed his ass off when he got home. He says, ‘Maybe we should’ve named you after your mother, she set the bed on fire on our honeymoon.’”

“Um…” Rafael quirked a brow at this, almost afraid to ask.

“Oh, god, no. Candles. Literal fire. Gotta set the mood, right?” Sonny grinned. “Anyway. You ever need your kitchen floor replaced, I’m your guy.”

_I’m your guy._ It was ridiculous, the fluttery feeling in Rafael’s chest at the sound of those words. He wanted to say something clever, but instead found himself standing there, mouth hanging open as he gazed affectionately at Sonny’s dopey face and sparkling eyes. 

“What if I don’t need my kitchen floor replaced?” Rafael’s heart was in his throat. The thought had flitted through his mind and escaped so quickly it took him a moment to realize he’d given voice to it. 

He was usually so good at holding people at arm’s length. He’d enjoyed an occasional weekend or two with a lover, but never cared to define what they were. He’d certainly never bothered to entertain any notions of exclusivity with anyone. Casual flings could be mutually satisfying without any risk of emotional entanglement and the almost-certainly-inevitable heartbreaks that went along with them. Or at least, that’s how he’d always viewed these things. He wondered where that Rafael Barba had gone, because this version? The version that went to pieces in the presence of Sonny Carisi? He wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing. He bit his lower lip and forced himself to meet Sonny’s gaze.

Sonny’s face went serious, his head tilted to one side, his crystal blue eyes fixed on Rafael. He allowed the question to stand between them for a long moment. “What are you asking?”

“I mean…” Rafael swallowed. What _was_ he asking? It had been _one day_ since they’d admitted their interest in one another. How did normal people do this? 

The timer went off, causing him to jump. With a mixture of relief and annoyance at himself, Rafael looked away and busied himself with grabbing the pot of spaghetti and a colander on his way to the sink. He needed to think before speaking. For now, he needed to focus on getting dinner on the table. Then he could worry about what the hell he was supposed to say next.

“Uh, could you grab the parm and grate some while I get this plated?”

If he was disappointed at Rafael’s diversion into safer territory, Sonny hid it well. He nodded and gamely set to work, rapidly producing a neat little heap of shredded reggiano for Rafael to sprinkle over their plates. 

They carried their plates and wine glasses to the table. After devouring a couple of forkfuls of spaghetti, Sonny was the first to break the silence. “This is good. Did you make this sauce from scratch?”

Mildly embarrassed, Rafael shook his head. “I didn’t want to risk it.”

“I’ll show you how my ma makes it sometime. It’s time consuming, but really easy.” Sonny shoveled a forkful into his mouth, then swallowed quickly, a look of mortification crossing his face. “I mean--” 

“I’m not offended.” _Not much, anyway._ Rafael shrugged, stabbing his fork into the pile of pasta. “For the record, I did adjust the seasoning once I dumped the jar into the pan.”

Sonny set down his fork and reached for Rafael’s hand. “Hey. I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I’m the last person to be a snob about anything, I just--”

“It’s fine. Really. And hey, at least I got the cheese right.” He’d been twirling his fork in the spaghetti for at least a minute now, and had created a massive ball of noodles around the tines. He knew he was being ridiculous, and it had nothing to do with a jar of sauce. He set the fork down with a clatter, and took a steadying sip of wine. “Look. What I said before...”

“About…?” Sonny sounded worried. Knitting his brows, he gazed at Rafael, who was staring fixedly at his wine glass. 

“I’m terrible at this. I don’t know how people do this, any of this. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I hate not knowing what I’m doing. I’m supposed to know the right thing to say, but right now, I feel like I’m just learning the language, floundering around, looking for the right words.” Rafael looked at Sonny then, his eyes pleading for understanding. “I don’t need my kitchen floor replaced, Sonny, but I do want you to be my… my guy.”

“To be clear… we’re talking about dating, right? Just you and me?” If Sonny was trying to modulate the excitement in his voice, he wasn’t very good at it. He was beaming at Rafael, all eagerness and affection. 

There was no way for Rafael to resist him. And no reason to do so. This was what he wanted. “Yeah. Just you and me. If that’s okay with you. I… I’d kind of like to see where this goes.”

Sonny’s smile had somehow grown broader, his dimples deeper, his eyes brighter and bluer, if possible. His long fingers wrapped around Rafael’s hand, squeezing tightly. “Me too.”

“We… should probably keep this quiet at work. For now. Until we’re sure of things, you know?” Rafael couldn’t stop, now that he’d started talking. He just wanted to get it all out, all the negotiations and definitions necessary to settle the uncertainties in his mind. “I still don’t know how that’ll work. The work side of it. We’ll need to be careful. About conflicts, I mean, so we don’t jeopardize a case. But we can figure that out along the way, right?”

“Right. We’ve got time.” Sonny began chuckling softly. “Y’know… Rollins gave me a hard time this morning, about my hair, mostly. And my suit, I guess. She kept asking, _‘Who is she? Who is she?’_”

Rafael quirked a brow at him. “What’d you tell her?”

“I told her we had a crime scene to investigate, and I needed her to get off my ass,” Sonny replied, looking extraordinarily pleased with himself. 

To be fair, Rafael was pleased with him, too. “Finish eating that half-assed spaghetti, so we can have dessert. I’ve got cannoli in the fridge, from that bakery you like.” 

“Uh, hello? _Detective?_ I clocked that box when I was checking out the cheese drawer.”

_Of course._ Rafael picked up his fork, chuckling at Sonny. “You are a ridiculous man.”

“Maybe so. But I’m your ridiculous man now.”

For what felt like the thousandth time today, Rafael smiled at Sonny, and wondered if he’d ever get used to smiling so goddamn much.

“Yes. You are.”

**Author's Note:**

> I genuinely meant to have this finished MONTHS AGO. Mea culpa! About half of this has been sitting in drafts since... March. 
> 
> Anyway. I hope you enjoyed it. Thanks to everyone keeping the Barisi flame alive, whether it's by writing stories, creating fan art and gifsets, or leaving lovely, encouraging comments that help keep writers like me going. I love you amazing humans, and love this fandom.


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